Meaning
by StreetsOfMisery
Summary: English Fic. Gundam Wing 1xR One Shot. When their lives are one breath apart from slipping away, Heero realizes the true meaning of his life.


Hey everyone! My first Gundam Wing Fic. It's romantic one-shot featuring Heero and Relena. English is not my first language so my apologies in advance for all the mistakes. Hope you like it. I wrote and wrote this one day and I didn't stop until it was finished. I really like how it turned out. I think it keeps loyal to both Heero and Relena. So, english or spanish, I hope this is able to transmit the sentiment and you are able to take it :)

Thanks for reading. Please review.

Gundam Wing (C) Sunrise. Hold Me Down (C) Motion City Soundtrack (Good song by the way. Helped the words fly and a few lines are used as POV break).

* * *

_**How will I break the news for you?**_

He stood still, not moving at all, barely breathing, barely living; just staring at the third window on the fifth floor of the tall building.

Ice cold raindrops fell on his face and body, soaking his soul, but he didn't care. He was wearing a green tank top, jeans and boots, so surely a deadly pneumonia was coming soon.

But he didn't care… He didn't care at all.

All he cared was that window; that window and the light that came out of it. His eyes were glued to it, like his entire existence. His mind was blank, completely unconnected to the rest of his body. He couldn't think anything at all. He just knew he _had_ to be there. He knew that everything depended on that simple French-style window.

He could hear the rapid beat of his until-now forgotten heart on his numb ears, letting him now that it was all real, that it was all true, that it was all happening, that he was still _alive._

Alive… She _had _to be alive, she _needed _to be alive.

He had never been able to accept it, not until a few hours ago. Like everything else in his life, he had realized how much it truly meant until he was a breath away of _losing _it for good. But this time it was different… This time it was for real. He had made his mind without really paying much thought about it: He would _never _let it happen again. She had to make it through. They _had _to make it through.

And then he would never, _ever_ let her go again. Everything could go away, but not her.

His life, his meaning if he had any, his _everything _revolved around her. He was _nothing _without her. His life depended on her: _Her, _the only person that could light his existence, the only person that ever cared, the only reason in his life. She, the one and _only._

And yet, he had not been there for her. And even when he swore to protect her for everything and everyone, he had _failed. _Failed miserably. He would never forgive himself for that. He would never _ever _stop punishing himself for this.

In his life there wasn't room for any mistake. And yet, the biggest one possible had just happened.

What would he do without her? What was he without _her_? Nothing, absolutely nothing. A waste of space and air. Only that and nothing else.

That was why he was standing there, just starring at the only lit hospital window in that cold, rainy evening.

Her life was his life. She was everything.

If it wasn't _her, _he didn't want anything at all. If it wasn't her, it wasn't worth it. If it wasn't her, it didn't matter.

If she was to leave, there was nothing on this or any other space that could keep him alive.

If she was to leave, he was going right after her.

Like it was, is and will always be meant to be.

_**You're the echoes of my everything…**_

_**You're the emptiness the whole world sings at night…**_

She smiled. "Pagan, good afternoon"

"Good afternoon, Miss Relena"

"I don't mean to be rude but, what exactly are you doing here?"

The old man smiled sadly. "I was told to be your escort for the day, my Lady".

Relena actually smiled. How silly could she be? She should have known better. How could have she truly expected _him _to spend the entire afternoon with her? She should have known that he wasn't going to show up. It was _him _after all.

But she had not been able to wipe the silly smile playing on her lips through all yesterday, not even when her nightstand clock announced it was 2:00 a.m. She had held her hopes high, maybe too high. She had been incredibly happy with the thought of seeing him, smile at him, of having him spare her a look.

World peace? Sure. Keeping space peaceful? Sure, but he was a completely different matter.

She sighed softly and directed his all-time supporter a sympathetic smile.

"As always, it is a pleasure to spend time with you, dear Pagan"

"As it is for me, young miss… For me as well"

_**You're the laziness of afternoon…**_

_**You're the reason why I burst and why I bloom…**_

On their way home, Relena could help but still feel a little down. She had spent one of the only free afternoons she was given with lovely company, but she had hoped it would have been _him_.

She sighed. She could still feel her heart skip a beat when she remembered the few simple words that had set her hopes flying high.

Like so many times before, she had spared a couple of minutes of her busy schedule to redact an e-mail that was never finished and never had the purpose of be sent.

It always started with his name and a coma. That was the only thing constant. The following content was all up to her mood. Sometimes it was romantic, nostalgic, and needy; sometimes it was angry, claimant, accusing; sometimes she just poured her heart out: her feelings, her fears, her wishes, her need of him.

But regardless of what she typed, the message was _never _to be sent. Her feelings and all she spilled on that mail was for her and only her to read. She only and no one else.

But that afternoon, two days ago, she had something different in her mind when she sat down in front of her computer. She had just learned that she would have a free afternoon entirely for herself and the craziest idea crossed her mind. _What if he shared it with her?_ For some reason she still couldn't understand, her fingers decided to act on its own and, before she realized what she was doing, she had typed a full, unusual message.

The header, however, remained the same.

_Heero,_

_As an unusual occasion, I will have some free time on Friday afternoon. I know that by now, aside from pondering what have possessed me to write to you, you are wondering my reason to share this. Quite simple: I had decided to spend that blissful afternoon observing paints at the Modern Art Exhibition and I wanted to ask you to come with me. Not as a guard, but as a companion._

_It would mean the world to me._

When she pressed the 'send' button she had not even appreciated getting a response, so the awaiting e-mail the next morning came as a huge, incredible and unbelievable surprise.

With trembling hands and glossy eyes she read the simple words that had turned her whole world upside down.

_I'll pick you up at 2:00 p.m._

She screamed, jumped and spun for a few minutes in her office, but through the whole day in her head. Everyone noticed the especial smile, and everyone silently had wished her the best of luck without knowing.

She sighed again and looked out of the car window to the passing cars.

She had been silly but, as any other person in the universe, she had all the right to dream and be let down. Especially the last part.

But it wasn't that bad actually. He could do this to her, he could do worse, and it didn't matter.

It was _him_. And for him, she would give her _everything_, even the world if it was necessary. She smiled. She hoped that he didn't expect her to give up over this simple event.

She turned then to ask Pagan too change their destination when everything became blurry.

She was able to hear screams, to feel some hard shakes, turns and then a harder halt before feeling a sharp pain surrounding her body and her world turned black.

_**How will I break the news for you?**_

His life was hanging on a thin line. His life was hanging on the same thin line _her _life was hanging.

He could never forgive himself. He could never. And she shouldn't forgive him either. But he knew that the next time her eyes graced him with a look, the next time her lips blessed him with a smile, there wouldn't be any kind of resentment, anger or displeasure, not even a little.

Her eyes will hold the same feeling they have held all these years: love, love for _him._

How could he did this to her? The almighty Vice Minister, who had the world at her feet, only hoped for one innocent, silly thing: To spend a few minutes of her life with a soldier, with him.

And yet, the silliest, simplest wish he could _not _give her. Take a bullet for her? Done. Fight a war for her? Sure. Move earth and space to find her and save her? Easy. Going with her to an art exhibition? No, that was out of limits.

He felt a burning pane in his eyes as two hot tears fell, his gaze still glued to the window.

Their lives were connected in ways he would have never imagined. Somehow he always knew that she, she who represented light in his life, was his everything. And as her life slipped away, he could feel his own starting to wane.

It was all delightfully confusing. He, who didn't deserve a second glance, who didn't deserve to feel anything for anyone, had managed to love no one else _but _maybe the most important person in the whole new era and that person actually _cared_ for him as well.

Yes, it was all true. He _loved _her. He _loved_ her with _everything _he had. It had taken everything to finally admit it and he would give it all for _her._ His life, his soul if he had any, his heart if it still worked correctly, his mind, everything was to her and for her.

And yet, there he was, starring at her hospital room window, silently _begging_ heaven to keep her alive, to give them one more chance, to take him instead, but not her. She who could light up the whole universe with her smile…

His breathing became rasped and difficult as more hot tears piled up in his eyes. This was the greatest pain he had and will ever know. He fell on his knees then, on the hard, cold and wet ground, sobbing his heart out as the whispers of her name burned in his throat.

_Relena… Relena… Please, please…._

"Please don't leave me. I love you. I need you. Please don't go".

_**You're the echoes of my everything…**_

_**How will I break the news to you?**_

She could feel it. She could feel it clearly.

She was _dying._

Everything seemed so far away. The noises, the pain, the movements, all seemed to be far. She was floating in a black infinity, with not one single thing to worry. She smiled. She could feel the remaining of her forces slowly drifting away. Her body was letting go, her soul was letting go. As more time passed, she heard the song his father used to hum to her as a lullaby echoing in her black space.

She was going with him. She was finally reuniting with him.

And then she saw it. A great, bright, beautiful light just some steps away from her.

She smiled.

There was nothing left. She did what she could and more. Peace was now on their hands, and she would always pray for them anywhere she went.

She reached a hand out to the light. It was real, it was happening, she was parting.

As she approached the light, voices started to overshadow her father's humming, until they were the only thing she could hear.

She stopped her way and listened to the unknown voices.

'_She's lost a lot of blood. The wounds on her chest and belly are still bleeding. Left arm and left leg are broken. Call the head surgeon. Multiple hits on her head, possible concussions and head trauma. Call the orthopedist. Book the OR immediately'._

Wounds? Blood? Broken bones? What they were talking about?

'_Her pulse is dropping! Doctor!"_

And then it clicked. It was her. She was hearing the doctor's indications as they treated her and tried to save her. She smiled softly and sadly. Too bad. Everything was okay. She was leaving now.

She closed her eyes and reassumed her way to the light as images of her accident flashed.

She was hit with the light from the trailer going straight to her. Not a blink later, the head of the trailer had crashed on her side of the car, sending her flying across along with the car door and some other car part.

She hit the other end hard, painfully. She could feel blood spreading through her hair as consciousness started to fall. And then she felt it. She felt how multiple things started to dig into her skin, piercing it deeper and deeper, and then warmth coming out quickly from every hole.

It was then that everything turned black. It was then when she knew there was no other way.

Tears threatened to fall, but she was decided to leave it all behind.

Flashes of familiar and loved faces replaced the images of the accident.

'_Mom… Lady Une… Marimeia… Wufei… Sally… Catherine… Trowa… Dorothy… Hilde… Quatre… Duo… Pagan… Milliardo…' _She whispered, feeling the place where her heart should have been aching.

'_Goodbye…' _She then said, still not letting the tears fall.

She knew that something was missing. Something important was missing and she didn't know what. She rested her hand on her aching head and forced the remaining of her mind to focus, to remember.

And then she knew. What was missing was _her life._ The most important person. The light in her road. The person who represented her everything. Her perfect soldier, the love of her life…

She opened her eyes with renewed tears as the image of a smiling ocean-eyed boy appeared in front of her. His dark brown hair was falling on his handsome face, his eyes shone in his own especial way, the same depth she loved admiring still on each of his gorgeous ocean eyes.

Tears started to cascade down her cheeks as images of the boy started to flash through her mind.

And suddenly she couldn't any longer. She couldn't die. She couldn't leave. She _had_ to be with him, she needed him more than water and air. He never gave up on her and she wasn't going to let him down.

More images flashed.

She sobbed as she contemplated his face. She didn't want to leave him, she wanted to be with him, but her forces were almost gone completely and she was still going to the light.

'_I'm sorry… I am so sorry… Please forgive me… I don't have the strength anymore…' _Tears continued to fall, making the burning sensation on her chest to rise.

'_I love you, Heero… I always will…' _She smiled then, ready to let the love of her life fade, for good_. 'Goodby-…'_

'_Relena…' _A voice suddenly whispered, interrupting her final goodbye. She stopped.

'_Relena' _The voice whispered again. She knew that voice. It was that voice that filled her heart with hope, with _love._

'_Please, please...' _It begged. Relena started crying again.

'_Heero… Forgive me, Heero… I can't go on any longer…' _Seconds passed, and the voice was not heard again.

She loved him. She would always do. She had never loved anyone the way she love him, and she knew there was not in this universe a love like the one they shared. Or hoped they did.

'_I was never able to tell him how I felt…' _She whispered, smiling through her tears. _'Heero did you ever lov-…'_

It wasn't a whisper what interrupted her this time. It was _his_ voice, loud and clear, filling the black space completely.

"Please don't leave me. I love you. I need you. Please don't go".

Relena's eyes widened in surprise. It was him, it was _him. _He _loved_ her, for real. It wasn't her imagination this time, it was _him._

'_Heero!' _She called. How stupid could she be? She wasn't ready to leave at all. She needed him. She needed to tell him that she loved him. They still had a long way to go, together.

She tried to step away and get as far as she could from the light, but it was pulling her back.

Was she going to be able to fight with the imminent destiny?

_**You're the reason why I burst and why I bloom…**_

_**How will I break the news to you?**_

Heero's eyes snapped open to a blinding white light. He grunted. Where has he? Why was he lying on a bed, with sheets wrapped around him?

And then he remembered.

He pulled the covers away and got up in spite of the immense pain in his entire body.

"Whoa, hold on there, buddy" He heard a familiar voice said, and then Duo was pushing him back in the bed.

"Let go of me. I need to go" He harshly said, trying to pull Duo's arms away but finding difficult to apply force.

"You're not going anywhere. You almost die a few days ago Heero. We found you lying almost dead just outside the hospital in the worst storm in ages" He explained, finally letting go of the pilot when his movements ceased.

"_Days _ago? How many exactly?"

"Five. Heero, buddy, we thought we had lost you for good this time"

"Why?" He wondered.

"You weren't reacting at all. It was like you weren't even trying. Nothing they did seemed to work. You were about to slip away completely when you whispered her name and started to respond" Duo explained, scratching his head. "It was a miracle, believe me".

Heero didn't need to ask whose name and why it had given a meaning in his life. He wanted to see her, he needed to see her, to hold her and never let her go again.

"How is she?"

Duo's troubled expression made his stomach turn painfully.

"Heero, buddy…" Duo stared, but was cut off when Heero fist collided in his cheek and sent him flying to the wall.

Quickly, Heero stepped out of the room and ran down the corridor to the stairs, ignoring the shouts coming from behind him.

He needed to see her. He needed her right then. He got to the fifth floor quickly, and started searching for her room.

He finally found it. He stood in front of it just seconds as he calmed himself. He was just steps away from her and that was the furthest he would ever be for now on.

He ripped open the door and was blinded by sunlight. He shielded his eyes with his arm and could barely make out a bed and someone lying on it.

He stepped into the room and away from the light.

And then his heart stopped and came back to life.

There, on the bed, was his angel, his love, watching him with surprise that quickly turned to adoration mixed with some tears.

"Heero…" She whispered full of emotion, and that was all he needed.

In a heartbeat he had crossed the room and was next to her, taking her all in. She was lying on the recumbent bed, bandages around her head, arms, legs, chest and belly. She looked pale, had bags under her eyes and was kept warm with a simple blanket wrapped around her shoulder. Nevertheless, her eyes shone with happiness and love.

Love, love for _him._

A single tear slipped from his eyes when he pulled her into his arms. He needed to feel her; he needed to know that she was alive.

"Relena…"

She wrapped her arms around him slowly but confidently, and then he felt her shaking.

He pulled away a little, concerned. "What's wrong, Relena? Did I hurt you? I'm sorry, I-..:"

Relena pushed a delicate finger to his lips and shook her head.

"I'm so happy. I thought I would never see you again. I don't know…" He pulled her to him again, unable to express how _he _was the one who was happy to hold her, to see her, to be with her.

He hid his face in her hair and inhaled her sweet essence. She was everything he ever wanted to know.

"Forgive me, Relena. This is my entire fault. I-I… I don't know what I would have done if I lost you. I'm so sorry…"

"Heero…" he whispered in his chest, settling comfortably against him.

"I felt my life slipping away. I knew it was you all along; I just couldn't deal with it. The essence, the meaning, the light in my life… It was you, all along. You are what I've been looking for my whole life… I need you more than I thought I would ever do…" He held her closer, wanting to feel her more than ever as he poured his heart out to her.

"Heero, I…" She pulled away to stare at his face. She smiled and wiped his tears away, resting his hand on his cheek as he leaned on it.

The warmth only she could give him started to fill his being and, for the first time in so long, he felt alive.

His face slowly descended closer to hers, both their eyes falling closed as a silent vow was made between them.

To never be apart again.

His heart jumped when his lips touched hers in a sweet, simple but meaningful first kiss. Her lips were soft, warm, welcoming and she tasted like sweet dear heaven.

He pulled away a little, smiling softly and then kissed her forehead, her closed eyes, her cheekbones, her nose and finally her waiting lips in a soft kiss. Pulling away moments later, he whispered the words he knew she had waited all her life to hear him say, the words that had never made sense to him until he met her, the only words that could begin to describe how he felt about her.

"I love you, Relena"


End file.
